Solace
by chiisana-inori
Summary: AU. After the death of his wife comes the promise of a new spring. Hatori x Tohru /Revised/
1. Paramnesia

**Chapter 1: Paramnesia**

* * *

Warmth.

It didn't seem possible for someone so cold to bask in it now, but it radiated on him like the sun's rays. The mask slipped. His heart was jumpstarted. All by something so invisible but real, in everything she was.

It was the taste of Valentine's chocolates...

_She hid her school-girl grin with the heart shaped box she held in front of her face. "Ta-da! I made these myself! It doesn't taste very good, but it's pretty isn't it?" _

_Despite her warnings that it would make him sick, he ate every last one._

...her hand in his...

_"Look how small my hand is compared to yours." She let it lay flat on his palm, her fingers outstretched and the gold bland gleaming. "But it's the perfect fit!"_

...and the soft flowery scent of spring...

_Sometimes after dinner, he would come up from behind her while she washed the dishes just to rest his head on her shoulder, inhaling the mysterious shampoo she used._

...and those four words...

_"I love you, Hatori."_

* * *

Sharply, he awoke into a face full of incomplete papers and files.

He was slouched over his desk, his pen still loosely cradled in his fingers and a distinct imprint in the papers of where he buried his head. The room was below freezing and dark. Not the hum of the A.C disturbed the frigid air. It told him two things. One, he had fallen asleep. Two, he had overslept.

The pen slid from his fingertips. He reached up and rubbed his eyes lightly dusted with sleep. Hmm…when was the last time he had such a luxury?

He ran his fingers though his hair and shifted upwards. His back twinged achingly as he made an effort to restore a vertical position.

It was late. Almost two in the morning. He sighed. Kana was probably worrying. He guessed that she saw him napping and went home without him.

He had to call her. To assure her that he was okay. He picked up the phone and dialed.

**Bzzt... RingRingRing...**

No response.

**RingRingRing...**

He remembered.

**RingRingRing...**

She was gone.

He hung up.

**Click.**

A hollow feeling flooded inside him suddenly. He grimaced.

"I nearly forgot..." he murmured to himself as he gazed out the window to see the snowflakes drifting down. "It's winter again."

* * *

Revised July/16/11


	2. Breathing Method

**Chapter 2: Breathing Method**

* * *

The box continued to sit on the empty desk.

They pretended not to notice it, but after weeks of the glaring reminder, the nurses began to whisper. The other doctors clucked their tongues. Why didn't he put it away? Why not bury it forever from his mind?

But he kept it, allowing dicussion and speculation to run wild.

"Poor Dr. Sohma. All of her things packed up, but not quite gone..."

"It's sad, considering the change she brought in him. Remember when we were interns?"

"How could I forget?"

"She was so lovely, too."

"I never met her. What was she like?"

"Cheerful and pretty, with the softest brown hair. That was the first thing to go; once the chemotherapy sessions began."

"Oh no..."

"They found it a year after they were married, and by then it was too late."

"Imagine being a doctor and not being able to save your own wife..."

The chattering nurses were suddenly silenced by the familiar staccato of Dr. Sohma's shoes.

"Good morning, ladies."

"Good morning," came the chorused reply. Ashamed, none of them dared to look into his listless eyes.

He turned and left; his footsteps fading as he gradually disappeared into the bustling hospital crowd.

**...Click-click-click….**

…..

"...Think he heard us?"

* * *

Hatori shut his office door. He went and opened a pack of cigarettes. He had quit smoking when he started dating Kana... But after what had happened... It relaxed him.

Bad habits die hard.

He lit one and stuck it in the corner of his mouth, taking a long, calming puff.

Lunch.

* * *

Revised July/17/2011


	3. A Recollection

**Chapter Three: A Recollection**

* * *

The beautiful pure white snow draped over the city like a cold white canvas. Some viewed it as a blessing for making angels, men, and fortresses of snow- a chilly day spent outside until the dim outline of the sun disappeared and night fell. Others saw it as a inconvenience, what with the expensive snow tires, dangerous traffic, and the exhausting clearing and salting of walkways. They felt happiness, they felt annoyance...

Hatori felt pain.

_"Tell me... when the snow melts, what does it become?"_

A film was put in a reel and the old memory replayed in his mind. Like all the times before, he couldn't stop watching.

_"...Water, of course..."_

_"Bzzt! Bzzt! Nope! It becomes spring!"_

That was two years ago. It was the first snow of the season on her first day on the job. He noticed that she was paying more attention to the window than his explanation of the filing system.

She couldn't have been more than twenty four then. He saw her clearly, the girl on the screen, with her fresh face and grown-up heels. She smiled at him and his silly logic but he felt something deeper then, something telling him that he could change, he could be happy. He saw a future with her.

And just as quickly it happened, it was taken away from him.

He unlocked the door to his apartment and pushed it open. It was more or less just a place to sleep now.

It was a bit frightening how easy it was to slip back into the routine of living alone, like she never existed until he saw something of hers. The picture frames were still around and he kept the little decorative touches she added to make it feel more homey, but he had already put up the clothes hanging in her closet and the bath things that littered the sink. He didn't know what to do with them yet, so the boxes were always getting underfoot. As much as it was difficult being constantly reminded of her everywhere he turned, he couldn't bear to erase her from his life.

He sank into the couch and closed his eyes. He saw Kana pressing her hands to the window, still looking down at the snow, her profile beautiful and distant. She murmured something about how pretty it looked. The color faded and the shot became shaky. The movie flickered to an end.

* * *

Revised July/17/2011


	4. Amateur Therapy

**Chapter Four: Amateur Therapy**

* * *

"All right, kiddies, off the Sohma Express!" panted a rather exhausted young man as he tried to gently shake off the children that had accumulated on his limbs. Instead, they giggled wildly and hung on tighter. He sighed. "Off to bed, you go. C'mon... You guys need your sleep! And so does this train."

"SHIGUREEE!" A tearful wail rang in the immaculate Pediatrics Wing. Dr. Shigure Sohma froze, and then bit back a devilish grin.

Mitsuru, the editor of the medical textbook he was writing, crawled to his feet and clung onto a free patch of his leg. Tears welled up in her bright eyes. "S-sh-ii...g...ur-!" she managed to hiccup. "You're so-soo _mean_! I need the last one hundred pages of the manuscript before the printing shop closes and you're ruining EVERYTHING!"

"Now, now, Mii," he chided benevolently, patting her head. "Let's not be dramatic."

"I'm going to lose my job because of you," she croaked. "I'll be out on the streets while you live your cushy life in your penthouse with your big paychecks from the hospital. And then I'll contract pneumonia and waste away in one these terrible rooms while you laugh..."

Shigure sighed. He wasn't in the mood to enjoy one of Mii's optimistic future plans. "Tell you what; I'll give them to you if you help me tuck in these little ones, okay?"

She sniffled, and glared at him threateningly. "If you lie, I'll kill myself!"

"Sure." Shigure's knees buckled and his shoulders sagged as the weight began to pull him down. "Er- can you help me get them off now?"

* * *

After much story telling and monster searching, the children had all settled down and were sleeping soundly in their beds. Mii flicked the light switch off and quietly closed the door.

"Shigure?" she called softly, gazing around for even the slightest sign of the doctor. "...SHIGURE?"

She frantically searched in all of the rooms.

Nothing!

Her jaw dropped and her eyes went wide. Fooled again...

Crying, she went in search of a noose.

* * *

Hatori, as Shigure had wisely discovered by making a quick trip to the other side of the hospital, was not present in his office. Good. It meant that he was at home getting well deserved rest. He couldn't pretend that it was his only reason for relief. Until recently, he hated seeing him; almost to the point of avoiding him. He had to admit, he hadn't been a good friend lately. Talking about feelings wasn't his forte. For someone so relaxed, it made him uncomfortable.

In spite of that, a vague unease was drawing him to Hatori. They had been best of friends since toddlerhood and he had developed a sense for knowing when something was wrong, and on top of that, a duty to fix it. No one looking on the outside of their relationship could understand how close they were, being polar opposites. Shigure was a sociable and childish. Hatori was serious and withdrawn. Shigure had his fair share of flings and infatuations. Hatori, some believed, could not love at all.

Shigure knew better than that. Hatori's heart was hidden in a safe place that only someone worthy could reach. He spent his whole life trying to do what one simple minded girl did in only a few months and that really burned him. On top of being a selfish bastard, he was also a jealous one. But Kana always brought the best out of people and he soon forgot his pettiness and fell a little bit in love with her too.

Life was almost too unfair.

As he was walking back, he saw Mii sitting in a heap by his office, looking aboslutely drained. Shigure smiled and leaned over to pat her head. He was feeling generous at the moment.

"Here." His other hand, which had been hiding behind his back, suddenly presented her with a heavy binder.

"Huh?" She grabbed it before he could pull away. Cautiously, she flipped through it. It was genuine. "The manuscript! You really finished it..."

"Good night, Mii." He started to make his way to the elevators.

She scrambled to her feet. "Where are you going?"

He paused to look at her, an enigmatic smile on his lips. "I'm making a house call."

Shigure knew Hatori had a heart. When Kana died, he heard it break.

* * *

Revised July, 17, 2011.


	5. The Prescription

**Chapter Five: The Prescription**

* * *

"To what do I owe this unexpected pleasure?"

Shigure pouted. "Ha'ri, aren't you glad to see me? Can't an old friend drop by to say hello?"

He was silent for a moment, still staring warily from the crack of the door. Shigure made a big show of shivering and blowing into his hands to keep them warm. Hatori sighed and disappeared, letting the door swing open.

Shigure went in, shaking off the bits of snow still clinging to his shoulders. "Ahh, nice and warm."

"Would you like anything to drink?" Hatori asked, flipping on the kitchen lights. "Tea? Coffee?"

"Tea, thanks."

He put the kettle on and went back to the living room. Shigure was sitting on his couch, still wearing his coat.

"You look well," Shigure said cheerfully. An obvious lie. "How are you feeling?"

"Better than usual," he answered stiffly.

"Have you been eating? Sleeping enough?"

"Enough to get by." He was suspicious. Shigure, probably the most egocentric person he knew, was beginning to act like his mother.

"I'll be straight with you," he said finally, as if he was reading his mind, "I didn't come over to check in on your state of collapse. I thought I could help you."

Hatori stared at him, not able to read his expression. "What do you suggest?"

"That you see someone."

He made a dry sound, in between a scoff and laugh. He couldn't believe what was happening. "I don't need a psychiatrist."

"I meant that you should start dating again."

The television crackled faintly in the silence. Shigure was watching him, waiting for his next move but he felt to dumbfounded to speak. The tea kettle whistled loudly and he automatically went over to tend to it.

He came back with a tray and set it down on the coffee table. Surprisingly, his hands were steady enough to pour the tea. He took a sip without waiting it to cool. The liquid burned his tongue and he pretended it didn't hurt. He was good at that

Shigure played with his lighter, snapping it open and shut with a slight click each time. He didn't seem to mind the silence. He merely fired up a cigarette and sucked on it with quick puffs reclining deeply in the comforts of the sofa. "I didn't think you'd take it too well," he admitted. He glanced at the other stubs littering the ashtray. "Then again, you haven't at all, have you?"

"If you came here to play doctor and examine me," Hatori finally spoke, his tone indifferent and detached," then I suggest you leave. There's nothing here that concerns you."

"Of course it concerns me," he said after taking a long gulp of tea. "Especially now."

"What you're suggesting is ridiculous."

"That may be, but it might work too. Crazier things have happened."

Hatori looked at him darkly. "Is this a joke to you?"

"Not at all. I call it a _light-hearted approach to a depressing situation_." He stared at the ceiling, arms crossed behind his head. "It'll help take your mind off things. You'll be too busy to mope and wallow and think of her. And don't say you already have work to do that for you because we both know that you're killing yourself with that as it is." Being met by only a stony silence, he went on. "Think of the fun you'll have. It's been awhile since you were single. You'll meet pretty girls, get out of the house now and then... Who knows, maybe you'll find someone just as special as..."

"There isn't anyone like Kana." His voice came out sharper than he had intended.

Shigure paused to sit up and tap the bit of ash crumbling from the cigarette. "No, there isn't. But it's been nearly two months now and I can see... everyone can see... that this is taking a toll on you. So I'm asking you to give yourself a break from all of this agony and let yourself be happy, even for just a little while."

"She hasn't even been dead for that long and you want me to move on?" he asked bitterly.

"She's been dead for two months," Shigure clarified quietly. "And you've been getting worse instead of better." He took another puff while letting that sink in. "I know you loved her and I can't imagine losing someone so important, but you have to realize that healthy to try to cling on to her the way you have. You're becoming fixated and before you know it, months will turn into years and it'll be too late to move on. How do you think she would feel if she saw you like this? If I knew her at all, I'd say she'd want you to be happy, even if it means it's with someone else." He squashed his cigarette into the ash tray and stood up to fix his coat. "Well, that's all I have to say," he sighed. "It's up to you now. Thanks for the tea. Sleep on it, will you?"

He was barely aware that the door had shut and he was alone again. Hatori knew one thing for sure; there would be no sleeping tonight.

* * *

Revised July 18, 2011


	6. Gravitation

**Chapter Six: Gravitation**

* * *

Habits. Hatori had plenty of those.

He smoked too much. He sympathized too little. He was stubborn.

And once lost in thought, drifting past faces and slipping through time, he was never subject to paying much attention...

**WHAM.**

He stumbled backwards and fell against a gurney, twisting his wrist at an odd angle. The girl landed on her knees with a soft thud. There was a flurry of paper. The styrofoam coffee cup exploded on the floor.

He stood, stunned at the girl kneeling before him, sprouting apologies and making a frantic attempt to grab the fallen papers before the soaked up the coffee. This young girl, with brown hair and bright eyes and pale skin, so familiar to him.

"...I'm so clumsy and I wasn't paying any attention, I shouldn't have been rushing and I hope this isn't ruined! Maybe I could-"

"Stop," he said hoarsely. He knelt down and looked into her startled face, his hand touching her cheek.

Kana?

His heart slowed for a moment and he finally let go.

It wasn't her.

Just habit.

* * *

She bowed her head awkwardly and murmured a thank you as she accepted the ice pack. He watched as she pressed it against her knees, sighing softly at the cold. She looked up shyly with bluish gray eyes underneath a slant of dark brown hair.

No. Not very alike anymore, he noted to himself silently.

"I'm sorry," she said, biting her lip. "Were you hurt?" He realized that he had been rubbing his wrist.

"I'm fine. It's a little strain, that's all."

"It was all my fault." The girl looked absolutely crestfallen. "I always get into these sort of accidents. It was just bad luck that you get caught up in it..."

"I wasn't paying attention either," he assured her. "It was my fault as well. I'm not the most attentive in the mornings."

She relaxed into a smile. "I guess we share that in common."

A hand came down and cuffed him on the shoulder unexpectly. Hatori sharply looked up to see Shigure grinning at him.

"Ha'ri! I came as soon as I heard..." He paused and looked at the girl. "Have you made a new friend?"

"Oh!" She blushed. "Tohru Honda. It's nice to meet you." She shook his hand with a free hand, still clamping the ice to her knees.

"Shigure Sohma. The pleasure is mine," he said, his voice suddenly slick with charm. Hatori suppressed the urge to roll his eyes. "Did my careless cousin mangle you very badly?" He pulled up the corner of the bag to inspect the damage. "Tsk, tsk. This is going to bruise..."

"Ahh, it's all right. It'll go away in a few weeks." She smiled at him briefly before looking back at Hatori. "I wanted to know if there's anything I can do about those notes. Um, I probably can't get the stain out but I'll re-write them for you..."

"I couldn't ask you to do that. I don't want to keep you here if there's some place you need to be," he said.

"It won't be a problem, really. I mean, I just moved here and I don't have a job yet. I was here to visit someone and I was hurrying because I was late, but it's fine now and I have all the time in the world. It would make me feel a lot better if I could do something for you." She lowered her gaze, cheeks turning pink.

"Ha'ri, don't be absurd. Just accept the help already," said Shigure, jabbing him with his elbow. "You need all the help you can get, especially since you don't have a secretary working under you."

Hatori glared at him.

"Please, I insist..." Tohru looked at him hopefully.

* * *

He left her in his office to re-copy by hand the papers that had been damaged. He found Shigure waiting for him outside, leaned up against the wall.

"How's the little princess?" he asked, and Hatori assumed he was speaking about Tohru.

"Diligent." The last he saw, she had been too absorbed in her note taking to notice he had gone.

"She's a cute one, isn't she?" Shigure's eyes had that certain gleam in them when young and pretty girls were being discussed.

"Don't get any ideas."

"Oh, Ha'ri. I was never one to take your crayons."

"I didn't mean... _You_ don't mean..."

He smirked. "I knew the moment I walked in on you two I was unwanted. But," he waved his hand, "I won't push you. You can come to your own conclusions on what to do with her. I trust since you made it through medical school, you're aware of the perfect opportunity you have on your hands."

Hatori raised a brow. "You're saying I should hire her?"

"Obviously. She's a lovely, unattached girl. You need someone to do your paperwork. It makes complete sense."

He failed to see any sense in it. "I assume you're bringing last night's talk into this?"

Shigure shrugged. "Make what you will of it. I'm only being logical about this. I will say that in these past fifteen minutes... you were a bit like your old self." He checked his watch. "Ah, lunch time. I'll see you around?"

* * *

Two months before, Kana had passed away.

Only weeks earlier, he had summoned the courage to gather her things and box them but they still sat at her desk, refusing to budge.

Photographs of dates, holidays, and their wedding still waited hopefully in the cardboard prison. Dried flowers and silly love notes were kept tucked away with care. Small trinkets gathered dust in the lonely isolation. His memories of Kana buried right along her.

He placed his hand on the worn muzzle of a stuffed bear.

_"Promise me?"_

_"What are you saying?" he whispered. _

_She gripped his hand, tears in her eyes. "I want to hear you say it. That you'll be happy, and live for the both of us." _

_"...I promise."_

Hatori lifted up the box and carried it to his office. Balancing it with one arm, he opened a closet door with the other.

He was stubborn, but kept promises.

Kana. Shigure. Himself.

He closed it and left, making room for the new secretary.

* * *

Revised July 18, 2011


	7. Kismet

**Chapter Seven: Kismet**

* * *

"Miss Honda?"

Tohru glanced up from her work. "Dr. Sohma! I'm almost half way done. It's lucky that not many of the pages were ruined. I hope my hand writing is adequate enough. If you don't like it I could start all over! They must be important and I wouldn't want to spoil it..."

"You've done a good job," he said, sounding distracted. "It looks fine."

"Thank you!" She went back to her work but stopped once she realized he was still standing there with a tentative look on his face that made her nervous. "Ah, was there something else?"

"There was. I wanted to know if you would be interested in continuing working for me," he said. "Officially."

Her eyebrows shot up in surprise. "The secretary position?" she asked incredulously.

"Yes."

She blinked, trying to digest this new information. When she had crashed into him earlier, she was expecting to be berated, not given a job. But mother always said everything happened for a reason and this was a stroke of good fortune after weeks of being unable to find a job. "I would love to," she said, smiling gratefully. "Oh- do I need to do anything? An interview or application...?"

"No, nothing like that. There is an employee form you'll need to fill out. I don't have any right now but I'll go find one while you finish working. I'll be back shortly."

"All right." Once he left, she could hardly contain her grin any longer. A surge of giddiness swept over her. It was her lucky day, with or without the bruises.

Going back to her work, she began to think about Dr. Sohma. That was all she knew him by. In the commotion, he hadn't been able to introduce himself and she was just going by his nametag. She liked him, and although it could be said she never really disliked anyone, there was something about him that was fascinating. He had a quiet seriousness about him that had been intimidating at first but grew into something dignified and admirable.

He was very handsome as well.

Tohru blushed even though her thoughts were to herself. When she first saw him it was like getting the wind knocked out of her a second time. He had the most wonderful set of green eyes. Before she could think about it any more, she scolded herself for being unprofessional. He was, after all, her employer from now on.

The notes didn't take too long to finish and before she knew it, she was waiting for him to return. She glanced around the office to admire it. It was handsomely furnished with dark solid oak and plush leather. A large bookcase brimming with huge medical tomes covered one wall and another had tall windows with a beautiful view of the city. It was very professional looking and a bit overwhelming, just like the doctor.

Dr. Sohma returned with a file in his hand. "There are a few pages here you'll have to read. I highlighted the parts you'll have to sign and if you want we can go over it and discuss what the position entails." As he set it down, he accidentally knocked over a picture frame that was on his desk.

"I'll get it!" she said, righting it back up. She paused a moment to look at it. It was a lovely picture. The woman in the photograph was dressed in a pale blue dress ruffled by the wind. Her hand was up, in mid-motion of tucking her hair behind her ear and she was smiling, her head tilting slightly as if she was listening for something. It was natural; a candid moment captured in time.

"She's beautiful," Tohru murmured, surprised that she hadn't noticed the picture before. "Is this your wife?"

Dr. Sohma stared at the picture as well. He looked a bit faded and when he finally spoke, his voice was strange."Was. She passed away a few months ago."

Her breath caught in her throat."I'm sorry to hear that."

He nodded dismissively without saying any more. His eyes suddenly wandered to the clock hanging on the wall. "It's my lunch break right now, so you may have an hour to eat and come back to deal with these forms."

"Yes, of course." She looked down and edged around him to reach the door. Her hand touched the doorknob but she couldn't move. It felt wrong to bring up something so sensitive and run. She knew if it were her, she wouldn't want to be alone.

"Dr. Sohma, would you like to join me?" she asked suddenly, turning around. "Um, I just thought that we could go over everything over lunch."

She saw him give the picture on the desk another fleeting glance. For a moment, she was afraid she had overstepped. her bounds. "I was planning on working but I suppose that would be more prudent," he said.

Tohru nodded. She was determined to make things right.

* * *

Revised July 19, 2011


	8. Physiology of Blushing

**Chapter Eight: Physiology of Blushing**

* * *

When the car was empty, he was careless. He didn't signal, sped, and changed lanes abruptly. It was hard for him to re-learn driving etiquette for the sake of a passenger.

"The radio is broken." He wasn't sure why he said it until it was too late.

"Oh, it's all right. I don't mind the quiet," she said in an assuring voice. "It fits the pretty snow outside, doesn't it? Sometimes, silence is nice."

Always positive. Hatori wondered if she could do that with everything.

At this, he left his thoughts for a moment to let his gaze flicker over to Tohru Honda. She was staring outside, lost in the snowy cityscape whizzing past as they drove. "It's beautiful," she said softly.

"It is." He turned back to look at the traffic ahead. "Have you not been to these parts of town yet?"

She shook her head. "I've just moved here about a month ago and haven't gotten a chance to see everything, but it's wonderful so far. A bit lonely at times. The snow makes up for everything though," she added. "I didn't have a lot of snow where I used to live. It wasn't even very cold. I'm not really used to this kind of weather, but it's a nice change."

"What made you decide to move?"

"I was ready for something different." She smiled. "Do you ever feel like that Dr. Sohma?"

"You can call me Hatori," he told her. "It becomes confusing with two Doctor Sohmas working at the hospital."

"All right, but you'll have to call me Tohru as well," she said lightly. "Do you often feel the need to change, Hatori?"

"I'm more of a habitual person," he mused. "I eat at the same places, go to the same coffee shop, read the same books over and over again. I still wear a few ties I had in high school. Once I'm set in my ways, it takes a long time to adjust to something new."

"That's interesting..."

"Boring, you mean."

Tohru laughed. "I think it's good, knowing exactly what you like. But change is nice now and then!" She blushed and then hastily added, "Not that I'm trying to tell you what to do- I just meant that, if you're willing to, perhaps you would like options. Who knows what you'd miss out on and my mother always said 'Variety is the spice of life'. I didn't really understand it at first but now I like to try new things whenever I can. Oh, but please don't consider me as flaky, because I'm very well grounded..." She rambled on, trying to string together a confusing yet polite explanation.

He remembered earlier, when he had gotten a better look at her. She didn't resemble Kana in the slightest, but there was something familiar in her flustered eagerness to please that sent a sharp pang in his chest.

* * *

The noodle shop was small, but quaint. Inside, it was warm, fragrant, and to Hatori's likening, clean. They were seated in a comfy booth by a kind-looking waitress that handed out menus and jotted down drink orders.

Looking at the menu, he hadn't realized how hungry he was. He could barely remember the last time he had a real meal.

"Everything sounds wonderful," she said, after poring over her menu for quite some time. "I'll have a hard time deciding what to get. Do you come here often?"

"I used to. I haven't recently." He saw her questioning eyes and added, "I've been busy."

"Ah, right. Shigure mentioned that you were without help for a long time," she commented thoughtfully. "This morning was a wonderful coincidence. To think, I wouldn't be here right now if I hadn't been in a rush!"

Hatori had been thinking about that as well. It seemed oddly neat the way things turned out, especially after last night's discussion. If Shigure had an ounce of patience for planning, he would have believed that he was up to the entire thing.

He was slightly annoyed at taking his cousin's advice and hiring her (advice that was rarely ever worth taking) but he felt with great certainty that nothing would come of it. He looked at Tohru, who had her lips pressed in deep thought. She was in her early twenties but there was a naive gentleness about her that made him uncomfortable in having her tangled up in something that even he did not understand.

* * *

"That was delicious," Tohru sighed happily, once the dishes had been cleared.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it."

"I wonder what the secret ingredient is." She chewed on her lip thoughtfully. "I could only place a few of the spices and herbs they used."

"Do you cook?" he asked.

"I do. My mother taught me." She smiled at him and he noticed how it came so naturally and genuinely from her, which was more than he could say for himself.

The waiter came back with the check and before he could take it, she asked if she could have it.

He blinked back surprise. "You don't have to..."

"I asked you to lunch," she said, putting away her wallet. "It's my treat."

He tried protesting to this, but found it difficult as two thin arms snaked around his neck from behind him.

"Tori..." purred a sensual voice in his ear. "Out to lunch? Has my little turtle poked his head out of that shell? Goody! Ah... Who is THIS?"

Hatori felt his stomach lurch. "What are you doing here Aya?" he demanded.

The silver-haired, golden-eyed man beamed and patted the very annoyed doctor's head (skillfully ignoring him after that) and turned his attention to a stunned Tohru. He thrust out a pale, slender hand with confidence and flair. "Ayame Sohma, at your service! I don't believe we've met...?"

* * *

Revised July 19,2011


	9. Fabricating Fate

**Chapter Nine: Fabricating Fate**

* * *

Hatori glared.

Ayame beamed.

Tohru blinked.

All three of the actions were not casually directed by one another.

Hatori stared hard at the table, nearly melting a hole with fierce intensity. Ayame was grinning widely at Tohru, but he was more interested in what she was wearing. Tohru was looking very confused at his hand, as if she wasn't sure what to do with it.

When the silence had stretched thin enough, Tohru seemed to have regained all forms of consciousness. She took his hand and shook, fixing an unfaltering smile upon her lips. "Hello, I'm Tohru Honda... Hatori's new secretary. It's very nice to meet you."

"What a lovely name for a lovely girl!" he doted as he managed to make her whole arm wobble with a firm shake. "It's so original and unique! Like mine! I did mention that it was Ayame, didn't I?"

Hatori, who had broken the burning eye-contact with the table, said in a grating voice through gritted teeth," Care to explain what you're doing here?"

"Are you out for lunch also?" asked Tohru, oblivious to the soup-like density in the tense atmosphere.

Ayame brightened up. "No, I just came from the hospital when I stopped by here for a drink... BUT THEN," he stated dramatically and loudly (causing Tohru to jump a little)," I saw you, Tori! Once glance and the quest to quench my thirst had dissipated as I eagerly came to visit and investigate the accompanying young lady also! Before I wasn't sure it was you and thought to myself, 'Is that man over there Hatori?' and I went to check and it really was you! I was very surprised though 'cause you're such a shy little blossom and there was actually a woman with you! Shocking! And from an angle, you looked too skinny. You need to eat more, Tori!" With that, he took a fresh breath after the fast-paced dialogue.

"You work at the hospital with Shigure and Hatori?" asked Tohru curiously.

Ayame let out a booming laugh. "No, no. I have a little costume shop close by and sometimes I go over to donate some extra nurse uniforms." He spoke of it as if it were a truly generous matter.

Tohru seemed to take it in. "How kind of you!" she said in an adoring voice.

Hatori let a half-huff, half-grunt that left her in question.

Ayame sighed and tossed his hair airily. "He disagrees with the works of art I create and their inappropriateness for the hospital... Something about heart attacks or vulgarity, I don't know..." he finished with a huge, lazy yawn.

"I've never met a real clothing designer!" Tohru was definitely awed at his presence, much to his pleasure.

"Really!" By staring closely, one could actually see his head inflate a bit with the swell of pride. "Well, yes- our family is very successful and multi-talented. Shigure is also a writer and Hatori..."

"That's enough." He gave him a warning glare, and Ayame dropped the subject hastily.

"And Hatori does something he doesn't want you to know about! Anyways, I take much pride in working in the clothing industry!"

"I would love to see your work sometime," she said.

"Perfect! Why don't I take you down to my shop and you can..."

"No," interjected Hatori abruptly. "I don't think we have the time. It's Tohru's first day." If it were up to him, they would run instead of making excuses. But like a predatory snake, Ayame was just coiling around them tighter and they were not going to leave for sometime.

"No fun!" Ayame pouted. Suddenly, he let his amber eyes flicker over Tohru, traveling up and down with utmost interest. "Say, why don't I make something for you, Tohru? A beautiful, fancy evening gown, hmm? Then you can experience my work in full!"

"That's so generous of you!" Suddenly, a look of consideration passed her face. "ButI don't know..." She looked a bit embarrassed. "I don't think I could afford it and I wouldn't know where to wear something so extravagant..."

"Tohru, Tohru, Tohru...!" he said in a disapproving voice. "I would not make a friend of Hatori's pay! But..." he began in the syrupy, deceptive voice Hatori knew so well," I would very much enjoy seeing you wear it at the Christmas charity banquet hosted by the hospital in two weeks... with handsome Hatori by your side!"

Hatori hoped the biting shock and savage animosity did not register in his expression.

"It's a wonderful event, really," Ayame said, continuing his smooth-talk. "They rent out a huge, grand ballroom and have a delicious feast catered and there's live music... dancing... prizes..." His eyes suddenly misted over in a dreamy sort of way. "It would be pointless to go alone when you can go together! What do you think, Tohru?"

"Um... it sounds wonderful but I wouldn't want to be a burden and make Hatori take me since I'm not sure if he planned to attend." she said carefully, catching his strained neutral appearance.

"But it will be such fun!" he pressed. "You must have a date! I would accompany you in a heart beat but unfortunately I have been snapped up by my lovely and talented assistant Mine! ... Oh, I know! Shigure would make a dashing date for you! Ha-ha, how clever of me!"

Hatori blanched. He was relieved when Tohru tried steering the conversation in a sensible direction but dreaded even the idea of his lech of a cousin hanging around her for the entire night.

He hadn't intended on going to Christmas banquet. He had only ever gone with Kana and had no desire to dress up and play up on pretenses for an extra few hours while standing by the punch the entire time. But he had seen that spark in her eyes when Ayame mentioned the dress. She said herself that she didn't know anyone in town and he couldn't imagine her social life being very engaging with that. He reminded himself that it would be a nice gesture to treat her to an extravagant night.

"That won't be necessary," he said evenly. "I will take Tohru."

"He says YES!" announced Ayame happily, clapping his hands. "Ooh- Tohru! I'll sketch it out as soon as get home and call you to come by for measurements later!"

"Aya... don't you have somewhere to be?" stressed Hatori ever so slightly, looking at him coolly through narrowed eyes.

"Oh, Ha'ri!" he simpered, attaching himself once more in a bear hug. "Please do not frown like that. You'll be ugly and have wrinkles. I'll let you borrow my moisturizing cream... And you're right... I must depart! But don't be sad; I'll see you two again soon!" He turned to her and said cheerfully while pushing a business card into her hands,"Call me whenever you're free and we'll talk about the dress! Ah- it'll be fantastic! Goodbye, Ha'ri and Tohru! Ta!" With that, he spun on his heels and marched out, his silvery hair fanning in the non-existent breeze. Deftly, he scooped a waiting cup on the counter and dropped some money with out much of a pause, the chimes ringing as he left.

They both stared on as a faint roar of an engine faded away.

"Hatori, we don't have to go."

He looked at her. "What do you mean?"

She blushed, as if regretting the broken silence. "It made you very uncomfortable, didn't it? I understand, we don't know each other very well and it seemed to me that you didn't want to go in the first place..."

Hatori shook his head. "If you thought that I was, in some way, displeased with our... new arrangement, I would have to correct you. It was just the reaction to Ayame's antics, but I have to admit that what he said made more sense than anything else that's come out of that mouth. It would be a most befitting if we did accompany each other and perhaps it would also be a good opportunity for you to become familiar with community and better settle in."

Tohru smiled at him, a look a relief washing over her. "That would be wonderful!"

"It would, wouldn't it?" he murmured, surprised when it sounded sincere.

* * *

The hospital was buzzing with delectable morsels of gossip featuring none else than the reclusive Dr. Sohma and his new secretary.

A particular group of young nurses in-training discussed the topic of the hour by their secret spot, which was just a mostly forgotten corner by a supply closet.

"I was there when the fortuitous event unfolded..." one said.

"Really? What's she like?"

"Cute and shy. She had very pleasant vibes."

"Have you heard all of these crazy rumors surfacing?"

"About what?"

"Who she is. I heard the front office lady say that she's actually an old girlfriend..."

"No way! That's the stupidest thing I've heard. They obviously didn't know each other."

"Humph! Well, I'm still keeping my fingers crossed. If she's in a relationship with him, there's no way she can get my precious Yuki!"

"Don't hold your breath. Prince Boy doesn't know you're even alive and there's no chance she's going to get with Dr. Sohma; you know him. It might've happened before but lightning doesn't strike twice..."

"Uotani, Hanajima, Minagawa, aren't you supposed to be working?" demanded Dr. Sato, looming imperiously over them.

The blonde merely rolled her eyes and the dark haired girl had silent indifference. The red head, however, spoke up quickly. "Err- we were just taking a break from the rounds... talking about the new girl."

He frowned. Lunch had just ended; why would they need a break so soon? "What is so important about 'new girl'?"

The one referred to as Hanajima, said in a mellow voice," Dr. Sohma finally has filled the open secretary position. You do remember the incident in which he lost his last one?" Her tone was morbidly unnerving as was her cool demeanor.

Uotani, the lighter haired of the three, scrunched up her nose a bit in deep thought; contributing to the conversation. "Her name's Tohru Honda... Right Hana?"

"I do believe so," murmured the girl in agreement.

"Tohru Honda?" repeated Dr. Sato slowly.

Minagawa's eyes flashed with excitement. "Do you know her?" she asked, a hint of hope in the rumors in her voice.

Dr. Sato ignored them. "Go back to work, all of you!"

* * *

Revised July 19, 2011


	10. Hindsight

**Chapter Ten: Hindsight**

* * *

"Thank you for coming to lunch with me," she said as they both walked out to the car. "It was nice to meet Ayame." She giggled. "Your cousins are so interesting!"

Hatori frowned slightly. "That's one way to put it." He needed to remember to pull them both aside for a serious discussion about meddling with his personal life.

"Maybe we can have lunch again sometime, and invite Shigure and Ayame too."

That certainly caught him off guard. "Maybe," he replied, not finding anything else to say.

They continued down the gravelly, ice path when it began to snow.

Both stood still for a moment to watch as the flurries swirled down, decorating their hair and clothes with glistening wet flakes. A hard mask came over his face. Without realizing it, he had gone an hour without thinking about Kana and now it all seemed to hit him at once.

"My father didn't like the snow much either," she said quietly. She must have seen his disconcerting look. "He said it made him feel sad. Do you feel sad when you think of the snow-ah! I'm sorry! I shouldn't ask things like that." She reddened and he wasn't sure if it was from the cold or not.

"It's fine," he said quietly. "You were right. I'm not particularly fond of the snow. It holds too many unwanted feelings."

"I always try to remember the good instead of the bad... it helps a lot." Tohru turned her face so he couldn't read her expression. "My mother... she died one snowy day a few years back. It was a car accident. But I try not to think about it. Instead, I remember when she came out and helped me build a snowman, even though she was tired from work and didn't like being in the cold. It's funny how some things are connected; how they can make you both sad and happy at the same time. It just matters what you hold dear." She broke away and looked back self-consciously. "I'm sorry if I got too personal..."

"No... it's all right." Hatori thought about what she said and how true it was. His memory of Kana with the snow was a precious one and it wasn't fair to antagonize it. The time they spent together should not be tainted by her death.

Tohru, he realized, had suffered a loss as well. One wouldn't know it by the way she carried on, smiling and making light of things. She was stronger than she looked.

* * *

"I said I don't want you! I want _Hatori_!" A plate flew out and crashed against the wall. It fell, but did not shatter. They knew better than to put anything breakable by her.

Mayuko stared unflinchingly. "Please don't do that. I know you prefer Dr. Sohma, but he's still out for lunch. I've paged him and he'll be here as soon as possible if you would just wait..."

The thin and sallow girl had a fiery look in her eyes. "How dare you come in here knowing that I don't accept anything less! Don't show your face here without him or you'll be sorry!"

Mayuko simply walked out, having enough of the screeching. She wasn't sure the girl could do anything worse- her life was already a living hell.

Hatori was greatly instrumental in keeping the girl in check most of the time but she would lash out and lose control at the slightest infliction. It wasn't out of complete malice, as she understood from low-voiced conversations with both Dr. Sohmas. Akito was a young cousin of theirs, born with a poor immune system that kept her in hospitals for most of her life. The constant pain and confusion she was in somewhat justified her tempermental fits but it didn't make it any more bearable.

Before she had a chance to stop herself, she remembered the incident. It had been over three years ago.

_"I need to talk to you," he said one night when they were alone and having coffee in his office._

_"Oh?" Her heart fluttered and she tried to pretend to be deeply interested in the contents of her mug. "What's on your mind?"_

_"Akito is unhappy here." She looked up to see him tersely twisting a pen in his hands. "She wants to be treated at home."_

_So he wasn't going to profess his undying love, but this was good news too. "Aren't you glad? She'll be a load off your back and you can finally concentrate on your other patients instead of being there for her every beck and call..."_

_"She wants me to quit my job here so that I can take her as a full time responsibility," he said quietly. Once he had seen that she was too stunned to reply, he went on. "She's rejected the idea of any other private physician caring for her. Her family has agreed on a generous salary and on top of that, I feel like it's my duty to grant her request."_

_"What? Why?" Mayuko trembled so hard she nearly upset her coffee._

_"She's a sick girl without much time left. She's one of the reasons I went into this profession." He stared right at her. "I can't turn my back on my family."_

_"What about your other patients?" She couldn't help it, her voice was rising. "They need you too! You can't bend under her thumb like she owns you. If she wants you to treat her, she can stay here. It's a sacrifice she'll have to make. You love this hospital and you're doing so much good. Don't give it all up. Please stay." Unsaid: for me._

_He took a deep breath and she was sure he was going to launch into a counter-argument but instead he put his hand on her shoulder and smiled faintly. "Thank you. I knew I could talk to you about it."_

That wretched girl ended up blinding him in one eye for his refusal.

Mayuko, as hard as she tried, couldn't shake the guilt off. She was certain that she was to blame for swaying him with selfish intent. Her punishment, she decided, was fair enough. She could never gather the courage to tell him how she felt from that moment on. A small part of her still wished, still hoped, for something.

She waited for him outside of the room, knowing that he would come and content with that, even when she knew it wasn't for her.


	11. Death Comes in Threes

**Chapter Eleven: Death Comes in Threes**

* * *

"Hatori." She looked regal even when so small in the bed. Her hands were folded in her lap and her face was showed nothing. The flush from the verbal fight had long faded.

"Akito. I hear you've been giving Dr. Shiraki a difficult time."

Her eyes narrowed just the slightest. "I don't understand why that woman is here. I need only you."

He went to her bedside, keeping his tone firm. "You have to accept that I don't have the time to focus soley on you. Dr. Shiraki will be there when I'm not able to and you have to treat her with respect. She's trying to make you well."

Akito laughed an unnatural laugh. "That bitch would rather poison me. I can tell."

"That's a horrible thing to say. Apologize to her." By the look in his eyes, he wouldn't take anything less.

Her lips curled into a sneer. She stared past him and at Mayuko, who had been standing by the door. "I'm sorry I made such a _mess_," she said coolly. They both knew she was speaking beyond the episode in the afternoon. Mayuko clenched her hands into fists, feeling sick to her stomach. For a shut-in, the girl was surprisingly intuitive of such matters.

"That's better. Now, don't overexert yourself. You might get a fever from the stress." He flipped through her charts. "It looks like you've been responding well to the new medication. Next week, we'll adjust your vitamin intake accordingly. Is there anything else you need?"

"No." She lowered her head deep into the pillow, making herself look wan and pitiable. "I just want to sleep."

He nodded. "I'll have Kureno check on you after dinner."

They left and he closed the door behind them quietly. "If she gives you any more trouble, don't hesitant to come to me," he said.

"Thanks," she replied stiffly. Mayuko watched as he walked to the elevators. She bit her lip, tapped her nails against her clipboard, and, finding no reason to stay much longer, left feeling quite dismayed.

* * *

**Cha-chink. Cha-chink.**

Shigure absentmindedly dropped his fist repeatedly onto the stapler. The hollow metal sound pleased him.

A nurse-in-training, the red-headed annoying one that gave him dirty looks but gazed adoringly at Yuki, said in a very arrogant tone as she delivered him the daily medical charts," Excuse me Dr. Sohma, but that's wasteful."

He looked up from his half-moon spectacles for a moment and glanced back at the mutilated paper. "Oh really?' he asked casually." I thought I was fixing it."

The bewildered look on her face as she left also pleased him considerably so.

* * *

After finishing a few afternoon appointments, he spent the rest of the day training her on dealing with his mail, filing, and scheduling. She caught on easily so he returned to his office, reminding her to come see him if she had any questions.

He went back to his own paperwork but every so often, he would hear signs of someone in the other room. The printer beeping, or papers shuffling, or her soft voice murmuring little things to herself. He would sit back in his chair and listen for a moment, taking comfort in the company.

* * *

When he denied the tea, Mine knew something wasn't quite right. It was his favorite, Earl Grey with lemon slices and a plate of sugar cookies. He had waved it away, eyes still glued and pencil still darting furiously and noisily.

She made an excuse and pretended to transfer a few bolts of fabric from the front to the storage room, passing by while stealing curious glances. After no success, she gave up and tended to the cash register for the rest of the day.

"A special client?" she asked as they sat down to eat the stale treats and drink the heated-up afternoon tea.

He took a drawn out, lazy sip and popped a cookie in his mouth. "A very special client."

* * *

Three minutes after the agreed time, Tohru was still there.

Hatori saw this once he managed to glance up unexpectedly from the medical textbook he was reading. She was standing quite irresolutely from the doorway connecting both offices, lips pressed together and hands wrung in nervousness.

When she had caught his attention, she immediately straightened and smiled. "I wanted to say goodbye before I left," she explained, moving closer. Her mouth distorted suddenly, as if she wasn't sure what words to form with them. "You've been so kind," she said finally. "I am grateful to you I will try my hardest to live up to your expectations. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity."

It sounded rehearsed and carefully thought out but he knew she meant every word.

* * *

Two reasons why Akito Sohma was ready to die.

One, she felt no reason to live. In fact, she was beginning to become bored. Dominated by illness, she kept her life (or lack thereof) limited so now there was nothing to want to live for, no one to want to live for. She didn't mind that too terribly. 'Why miss something I've never had?' she would think, watching the IV's monotonous drips.

Two, her body had taken a severe toll from the medication and surgical procedures throughout the years. She wanted to give up. She had had enough. No matter what anyone said, she knew she wasn't going to get any better. She was broken from the start; a defective machine on its last legs. The sooner she would die, the better.

Akito stared blandly at the nondescript hospital ceiling, perhaps waiting for death, perhaps confused as to why she felt the first reason didn't make so much sense anymore as Kureno Sohma gently tucked her in and turned off the bedside lamp.

* * *

Ones. They came in ones slowly and steadily.

Shigure had been on to something. The newness, the novelty, of Miss Tohru Honda had given him a reprieve of the nightmare he had been living for months but nothing could quite save him from an empty bed at the end of the day. Alone with his thoughts at the moment, he was trying to remember how her voice sounded; that specific teasing voice she used to make him smile when she knew he was unhappy.

He was starting to forget things about her. Small, inconsequential things that he never wanted to forget. Things that would soon grow into important things like her smile, her kiss.

He heard it somewhere: To grieve is selfish.

'If that's true, I'm the most selfish of them all.'

* * *

Revised July 21, 2011


	12. Bizarre Magnetism

**Chapter 12: Bizarre Magnetism**

* * *

He woke up from horrid sleep earlier than usual. He had a minor surgery as well as a few patient consultations to attend to. Though the light hadn't quite come out yet, he had breakfast; a cup of black coffee and two aspirins to kill his headache.

Hatori went on and showered, pressed his clothes and dressed while the television made cheery one-sided conversation abut the weather. The strangeness was so palpable yet so invisible. It distracted him. The water came out too cold. A long, deep crease ran down his tie. Now that he thought of it, he supposed his shirt didn't quite match with his shoes. He felt a ripple of frustration, but set it aside. He was going to be late.

He washed and dried the coffee cup and shut off the television and lights until he stood in the silence and dark for a passing moment.

The fabric was ripped out and yet the seams remained frayed.

* * *

Tohru. He remembered about her and left some light work on her desk. It was so much more convenient, he realized. He had been managing most everything by himself for nearly a year. He didn't like the thought of a replacement and never really considered it. Of course, it would be a gradual change. She was untrained and had much to learn. In time, she would be quite valuable to have around the office.

Hatori was content in reminding himself that. It was a diversion from her role in Shigure's master plan in baiting him back to normalcy… reentering with the rest humanity.

'I'm just not ready yet.'

But there was still time. It would be a while until morning, until she came.

* * *

"Sorry I'm late!" Tohru stood before him, red cheeked and breathing hard. "The bus was late and I didn't want to wait for the next one."

"That was very foolish," he reprimanded. "In this weather?"

"Ah, it was just a few blocks. Maybe next time, I'll be luckier with the bus."

"Tohru, if this job is an inconvenience to you I won't pressure you to continue it. I can't have you risk your safety with thi weather."

"Please don't worry about it," she said quickly. "I can manage; really, it's no trouble at all for me."

He took off his glasses and put them back on, as if readjusting his perspective. "I think the only appropriate and responsible thing for me to do is take you to and from work, "he said decisively.

She flinched as if it were an insult. "You can't possibly…"

"I've made up my mind."

"… go through all of this trouble…"

"Ask Shigure…"

"…just for me…"

"… I won't budge…" He gave her a very evident and unmoving patent stare.

Tohru objected no more. She smiled and shook her head. "I can't ever thank you enough for everything you've done for me."

He looked at his own worn hands. "There is no need."

* * *

She asked him afterwards, quite timidly, if he would have a cup of tea and dessert with her as a thank you at her apartment later in the night.

Hatori felt odd; confused. As if he was in too sinking too deep and he couldn't escape. He realized he was being too kind to her. This wasn't the plan. Why did he feel so defensive now? What was he doing?

* * *

Tohru feebly scanned into the distance with false purpose. She was twenty two years old but still felt like an awkward schoolgirl, trying to find someone to eat lunch with in a sea of unknown faces. For her first one and a half days, she rarely spoke to anyone besides the patients Hatori was seeing, Hatori himself, and Shigure. She instantly regretted it but knew there was still time to make friends around the hospital. The sudden overwhelming cafeteria, however, led her to be content eating alone.

Hatori was not having lunch today. He simply continued working when she left. She would've asked; would've said something, but felt it wasn't in her position to. He acted strangely after their morning encounter. She decided not to press at it and hoped he was still up for tea.

She chose a slightly secluded area by the window and unpacked her lunch. She wasn't far long into her meal when the sound of a tray hitting against the table startled her.

Tohru watched as tall girl casually plopped down beside her. She was followed by two other girls who wore the same white uniform and similarly placed their trays down to sit. Relaxed and visibly comfortable, they began to eat. It didn't take long for her to understand.

"I'm sorry," Tohru answered finally in a meek voice."Is this your table?"

One of them laughed. "Don't be silly," she chided, neatly unfolding her napkin. "You're welcome to stay."

"How was your first day?" asked the first, jerking her head slightly to her.

Tohru gave a mild pause. "Is it that obvious?"

"Oh, you're something of a celebrity here," said the third. "... How rude of us. I am Hanajima Saki, this is Arisa Uotani, and she is Motoko Minegawa. We are all first year nurse attendants." Though they wore name pins, Tohru smiled at the girl's kind gesture in introduction.

"And you're Tohru Honda from Dr. Sohma's office," said Motoko in a matter-of-fact manner, primly digging into her salad.

"Yes. It's very nice to meet you all. I was afraid I wouldn't get to know anyone else here. Thank you for making it much easier on me." She smiled shamelessly.

"You're a sweet kid," murmured Arisa thoughtfully. "You don't need this gossip-nonsense hanging around you."

Gossip? Tohru did not say anything but was sure she went pale because Hanajima nudged Arisa and said discreetly," Let's not scare her, shall we?"

"If I were you," Motoko said rather brazenly," I wouldn't mind hearing things concerning the likes of myself and the Sohmas."

"That's because you're hopeless." Arisa turned to Tohru, still in something of a shock. "The thing is… well, do you know…?"

"I don't believe so." She looked at her for enlightenment.

Arisa leaned in closer and said in a low voice, "Recently, Dr. Sohma lost his wife to cancer. He's been having a rough time adjusting, and it's no secret among everyone here. She used to work for him; your job, you see? He hasn't replaced that spot for a year ever since she took sick and now that you have it…" Her voice trailed momentarily and she shook her head. "It's rather silly of us, but there's hope."

Tohru felt bowled over. "Me?"

"It's nothing but a bold ideal." Hanajima sounded dreamy. "It sounds like a romance novel."

"What she's trying to say is," said Motoko," that it sort of fits. You and Kana were pretty similar and now you have the job. It's just like connecting the dots. I guess everyone's reacting so strongly because we're hoping for the best for him."

"It's gotten a bit explosive," added Arisa. "Nothing this exciting ever happens around here."

"Do you like him?" asked Hanajima softly.

"I… well- he's a very nice man," Tohru struggled, knitting her brows. "But I don't think… um, that's to say… we gotten close. I mean.."

Motoko giggled, flushed with excitement. "Ah! You simply must tell!"

She blushed and stared at her food. "He's been very courteous," she said finally. "We had lunc yesterday, and that was very nice. He offered to take me to work in the mornings and home in the evenings. But other than that…"

"Are you kidding me?" asked Arisa. "My relationship history is nothing compared to that!"

"What about Kyou?" teased Motoko.

"C'mon guys…"

Tohru laughed along with the rest of them. She decided she wouldn't have to worry about finding friends anymore. Inwardly, she didn't know how to react. Was expectation in her a compliment they were paying her or a curse?

Could she make him happy…?

Not in that way. She blushed at the very thought of it.

They were working together closely. It wouldn't hurt if she tried to make things easier for him. Perhaps making him lunch, or taking him out, or straightening his office would help him out. They could become good friends. It was a quite simple idea, but effective as well.

And she congratulated herself on thinking it up.

* * *

Akito's good morning was short lived well into the afternoon. She wasn't physically well enough to leave her bed but she had gleaned enough information by keeping her ears opened.

She was none too pleased about hearing of the new assistant working for Hatori. The last one was just gone, why bother with another so quickly? Akito seethed in her bed. He was supposed to take care of her and did not need any outside distractions.

Though she made impulsive decisions in the past, Akito decided to be clever for this. She wouldn't say anything yet, but bide her time until it was just right.

* * *

Hatori began to feel strained once the end of the day neared. He found himself looking at the clock more often at his annoyance. All day, he tried being distant but it made it difficult to teach her, more so, be around her, so he dropped it halfway. He was never very good at being underhandedly smooth and felt his act was erratic and contrived and in her eyes, transparent.

When it came, there was no turning back. He calmly asked her if she was finding the work good, how lunch was and etcetera as they went down the elevator, through the lobby, and to his car in the parking garage. The conversation was pleasant and bland on his part.

But she was lively and animated. She told him about the unknowledgeable but epic attempt to fix the copy machine. The lady he was treating for a hip replacement was very sweet and even offered her cookie recipe. She met a few young nurses at lunch and became fast friends with them and Shigure visited her in the office to talk during his break.

The hole that existed during car rides was filled. He liked hearing her voice describe her many experiences. He remembered what it's like to hold a normal conversation with a woman. He felt human. He was glad he asked.

"Please, make yourself at home," she said, nodding at the den while she bustled around in the kitchen.

"Are you sure you don't need any help?" he asked, feeling unnerved at being completely useless on the couch while pots made noises in the other room. He wanted to be of some help.

"Yes, as a guest, I insist you stay there." Her head poked briefly into view. "Chocolate or vanilla?"

"Vanilla."

"And tea with no sugar or milk, correct?"

"Yes."

She smiled and disappeared. "This will just take a moment…"

He took that time to get a better look around. It was small but tidy, clean yet personal all the same; something he never quite mastered. There were some photographs he could see from where he was at and also a few plants and a bookshelf. He didn't browse any further and simply sat and waited.

Finally, when he couldn't bear it any longer, he rose and went over to the kitchen. Hatori paused by the door and watched her fiddle with the stove knobs until they were just right and then fluidly move to cut two slices of cake. She finally noticed him after she straightened from retrieving two plates in a lower cabinet and gave a slight jump.

"Oh! I didn't see you there."

Feeling ridiculous, he shook his head. "I apologize. I suppose I should go back and sit now."

"No, no… you can help with the tea! The tray also gets heavy sometimes; you can carry it too." He sensed that she had an underlining cleverness to her simple exterior; always knowing what people wanted.

They stood side by side in the cramped little space. He took the kettle off the stove and poured the hot water into the tea pot while she transferred the cakes to the plate. He arranged the cups and pot accordingly on the tray as she added little forks to each dish. It was a nice, subdued harmony, a shadow of what evenings once were for him.

Tohru placed the cakes down and moved into the chair beside him. "I'm very glad you could be here but I wished I could've had time to bake something grander for you." She delicately poured the steaming tea in both of their cups with an ease and grace he hadn't seen in her before.

He poked at the very point of the cake and tasted it. "You made this yourself?" He wondered if he sounded as surprised as he felt. It was an uncomplicated vanilla cake with white frosting and strawberries, but he forgot the last time he had something so sweet and light in his mouth. He took another bite.

"Yes, it's an easy recipe. I can make other things if you like; cheesecakes, fruit tarts, muffins and puddings!" she said eagerly. "Perhaps… I can make some in the future for you to try?"

"I would enjoy that," he said and she looked pleased. He remembered something and set his fork down. "Take this, before I forget." Hatori went into his pocket and pulled out an envelope with her name on it.

Tohru opened it and a gold slip of paper fluttered out onto her lap. "Oh!" she exclaimed when she read it. "It's a ticket to the banquet!"

Hatori took a sip of the tea. "Yes, I went by the office this afternoon to purchase them before it was sold out. It's a very popular affair around here."

She admired the pretty paper and carefully tucked it back in the envelope before looking up. "Thank you so much for buying my ticket," she said, now familiar with accepting rather than protesting his kindness.

"It was no problem at all. I think you'll find it very enjoyable."

"Did you happen to go yourself?" she asked politely.

He paused. "I did, in fact. For the past two years."

For a mere second, Tohru felt horrified but hastily covered it up by saying, "I can hardly wait. Ah, I forgot to mention it, but Ayame called today and we scheduled for measurements tomorrow after work." She looked into her teacup. "I was wondering if you could take me there. I mean, if there's no problem…"

Hatori made a surprised huffing noise. "I've never seen him work so industriously," he said. "It usually takes him weeks to come up with a design and ask for measurements. All the better for us, though. Please remind me to take you over there tomorrow night."

She felt relieved that the earlier tension had disappeared. "Yes, thank you. More tea?"

* * *

He stayed longer than he intended before taking off to the hospital. He worked for a few more hours before retiring at home, still lost in thinking.

Hatori went along the nighttime routine. He changed into clothes to sleep in and searched for something to wear for the next day while the television made mournful one-sided conversation about a recent drug recall. He turned it off along with all of the lights and lay in bed with the strangest notion in his head.

It's was always a choice to pick up a needle and thread, to pick up the pieces.

And then he did something incredible. He fell deeply into a restful sleep.

* * *

Revised July 22, 2011


	13. Slow Poison

**Chapter 13: Slow Poison**

* * *

A small gray chink of morning light settled on the ceiling just as the strains of last night's dream blurred away. He watched it quietly before letting his eyes wander around the room. It had not changed- plainly furnished, obscenely neat, with his clothes hanging readily on the closet door. He was alone and it was cold. Just as the same as yesterday and the days before that.

It was completely the same and yet entirely different.

He finally answered the bidding of the alarm clock and shushed it. The sheets fell away and he sat on the edge of the bed with no notion to rise up, half curved in what was not lack of sleep.

When he had finally stood, he realized his full alertness; the strange feeling of wakefulness he hadn't had in months. He felt disturbed by this; hadn't he gone to sleep and woken up at the same time? Why should this morning be different? He had been wondering about it in the same amount of time it would have taken him to struggle out of sleep. So in the end, there was no gain.

* * *

Tohru yawned into her oven mitt.

Upon her insistence, Hatori had agreed to pick her up at around the time he left for the hospital. ("I wouldn't want to waste your time by having you pick me up in the middle of your morning," she had told him.) She was an early riser but having to get up to bake him cookies nearly caused her to fall asleep in the batter.

She would have done it the night before, but she couldn't decide on what she could make him and spent the night tossing and turning. Did he prefer a traditional breakfast, or a Western one? Perhaps something simple, like muffins or cinnamon rolls? But then she remembered she didn't have any ground cloves in her pantry. What about cookies? Everyone liked cookies, right? It wasn't a breakfast food, but it would be something sweet to snack on throughout the day. She fell asleep going over the different kinds: sugar… peanut butter…shortbread… oatmeal raisin… and when she woke up, her mind was already settled. Chocolate chip; a classic. There would be time to learn his preferences but for now, they would do.

While the cookies were cooling, she went to back to her room to get dressed. While picking through the different perfect little folded squares of shirts and sweaters, there was a little anticipatory flutter in her stomach. Through the sleepy haze, she hoped that the small gesture would brighten his day.

She had just gotten her coat buttoned up when there the doorbell chimed. "Coming!" she called, giving her hair a quick brush before going for the door. "Good morning!"

"Good morning." Hatori stood there a bit awkwardly on the threshold. "Are you ready?"

"Just a moment! Why don't you come in?"

She ushered him to the living area and disappeared into the kitchen.

"It smells wonderful here," she heard him say.

"I was baking cookies," she replied, re-emerging with a white box. "They're for you."

He raised his brows in surprise. "For me?" he repeated.

Tohru held them out and smiled. "Yes. I was thinking, as long you're driving to me work it would be nice if I gave you something for it everyday." She saw his slight frown and hastily added, "I can make anything; lunches, dinners, snacks, and desserts. Just tell me what you like. I'm sorry if you don't like chocolate chip cookies—it just came to mind and I…"

He took the box and looked at it. "It's very generous of you, but I don't want you to go through the trouble of cooking everyday for me."

"It's no problem at all!" she said emphatically. "When I cook for myself, I can't eat all of it so it would be a great help if you took some, really."

She thought she saw him smile but it was only for a fraction of a second. "As long as it isn't any trouble. Thank you, Tohru."

She hid her blush by turning to grab her purse from the counter. "I hope you like it," she said happily.

All the while; the walk down the stairs, to the parking lot, and the drive to the hospital, she looked out at the snow and dreamed up more recipes he would like.

* * *

Mayuko walked briskly down the hall, not missing a beat.

"Hey, hey!" Shigure hurried behind her, grinning.

She scowled, not bothering to slow down.

He caught up anyway. "I saw that," he huffed breathlessly, his tie flopping over one shoulder.

"Saw what?" she snapped, pretending to glance over at her clipboard.

"That look you gave."

"What look?"

"You looked at Hatori's office to see if he was there."

"Shut up. You're an idiot."

"Rather elementary today, aren't we?" he teased. "Don't be shy about it. If you're in love with him, I won't say a word."

Mayuko stopped in her tracks and spun around to face him. "Are you going to bug me all day with conjectures or what?"

"Do you want to know why he isn't here early as usual?" His grin grew wider.

She shook her head and looked away. "I don't care. It's none of my business." She resumed walking.

"Hey."

She ignored him.

"It's because of that girl, Tohru," he said loudly. "He takes her to work now. He's quite late in fact. Perhaps they're breakfasting together? It looks like they'll spend a lot of time side by side from now on. Isn't that sweet?"

Her black heels angrily click-clacked away.

* * *

"If you need anything, page me," he told her.

She nodded. Today was going to be busy, meaning that Hatori would be out on call and she would be alone in the office for a great part of the day.

He lingered at the door, face filled with hesitance.

"I'll be fine, really," Tohru chirped, though her heart raced at the staggering responsibility. "Just filing and scheduling right? Piece of a cake!"

Hatori sighed. "It's not that I don't trust you. I don't want you to work alone so soon. It can be overwhelming, especially since this is sudden."

Tohru smiled and reached to open the door. "Don't worry! I can handle anything! I don't want to keep your patients waiting any longer."

He nodded vaguely. "I'll be back in the afternoon."

She waited until he left before leaning back into her chair and gazing at her desk with a worried look. What was so easy yesterday (with Hatori just outside the door) seemed difficult once the emptiness of the room was pronounced.

'Time to sink or swim,' she thought as she began her day.

* * *

He was getting his second cup of coffee in the break room when Shigure appeared, acting nonchalant as he rooted around for an artificial sweetener packet in a drawer. They were alone, so Hatori felt that it was safe to ambush him with an especially menacing tone. "It isn't enough that you're scheming away, but you have Ayame doing it too?"

"What do you mean?" Shigure whined, looking extremely affronted.

"Before, when you got him to corner us at lunch a few days ago."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," he sniffed. "How could I have been able to do that when I didn't know that you were eating out together, or where?"

Hatori glowered at him. He was right, but there was something questionable with the synchronism of events.

"What happened?" Shigure had given up looking and was now settled against the counter, all ears.

Hatori set down his empty mug a little harshly in annoyance. "I have a date for the Christmas banquet."

"No! Really?"

"Would I joke about something like that?"

Shigure put on a mock-aggrieved face. "My dreams have been shattered! I wanted to take cute little Tohru…"

"Precisely the reason I accepted."

He smirked. "Don't pretend like it'll be a chore. You'll enjoy yourself, just watch."

Hatori took the coffeepot and poured, watching the steam rise. "That's what I'm afraid of," he muttered, low enough so that he couldn't hear.

* * *

"How's work so far?" asked Uo as she peeled off the plastic to a small container of fruit.

"Oh, it's been great," Tohru replied brightly. "I had my first real day by myself and I think I'm starting to get the hang of it. I did have a little mishap with the copy machine again. I don't think it likes me very much," she sighed. "What about you?"

"Same old, same old. You might want to ask Motoko, though." She jabbed her fork in the general direction of the girl with starry eyes.

"Motoko, your food is getting cold," murmured Hana, her lips pursed over her chopsticks.

"I don't care. I don't care about anything at all because it's just _wonderful_ isn't it?" she gushed, clasping her hands together.

"Let me guess," said Uo, "Yuki is coming in for an appointment soon?"

"Who's Yuki?" asked Tohru.

"Dr. Sohma's younger cousin," Hana supplied in her monotone.

"Oh, I see." It made sense now. "He must be handsome like the others, then."

"The _most_ handsome," corrected Motoko. "He has perfect eyes, perfect hair, the perfect body…"

"Yeah, yeah. We get it," interrupted Uo. "Some of us are trying to eat."

"Could you imagine if he asked me out to the banquet? I would just _die_!" Motoko had missed Uo's eye roll entirely.

"Oh! Are any of you going to the banquet?" Tohru asked, interested.

Uo wrinkled her nose. "It's not really my thing. I can barely stand my nurse's uniform—I don't see myself in a real dress anytime soon."

"I will attend." All of their heads swiveled to stare at a demure Hana.

"What? You have a date already?"

"No. I don't believe one must have the exclusive company of another to take pleasure in social functions," she said. "I shall be a shining beacon of individuality to break the collective norm of pairing; a true inspiration."

"… I'm sure there'll be other single people there," Motoko pointed out.

"I will wear a floor length black gown and lace veil to represent my beliefs."

"Maybe I _will_ go," mused Uo. "This I have to see."

Hana looked at her unblinkingly. "As long as you go separate from me."

"I'll go too, even if I don't have a date," said Motoko with a sigh. "It's too much fun to pass up on."

"How would you know? You weren't here last year."

"My father received a few tickets for a donation he made awhile back," she explained. "I've been itching to go ever since. What about you, Tohru? Will you be going?"

"Um… Yes, I will." She couldn't stop from smiling nervously.

"You mean Dr. Sohma asked you?"

A stunned hush fell over the table.

"It wasn't like that!" Tohru said hurriedly. "It happened by accident, sort of."

"Why didn't you tell us?" squealed Motoko, eyes lighting up.

"I didn't know how to bring it up," she said helplessly.

"All right, we need the whole story," said Uo, pushing aside her tray. "From the beginning…"

* * *

The day went faster after lunch. Hatori had returned to his office in the late afternoon. Again, she wasn't sure if he had anything for lunch, but she walked in once or twice and saw that he was eating one of her cookies while working. It warmed her heart to see him enjoying them. At the same time, she worried that it wasn't enough if it was the only thing he had all day, aside from coffee. That didn't sound healthy at all. Tomorrow, she decided, I'll make him a proper lunch.

She found that whenever she had a spare moment to think, when it wasn't about cooking, it was about visiting Ayame after work. She was looking forward to seeing him again and equally excited about getting her measurements taken. She never had her own specially made dress and the lovely thought of it kept her spirits high.

Motoko had turned red in the face when she heard that Tohru was going to have a dress gifted from Ayame. "Really? Isn't it too cold for that?" Uo gave her a threatening look and then assured Tohru that it would turn out beautifully.

She was ready and waiting by the time Hatori came round to tell her that it was time to go, much to his amusement.

"Thank you again for the cookies," he said, while on the drive to Ayame's.

"Oh! Did you finish them all yourself?" she asked, pleased.

He shook his head. "I shared with Shigure. He wouldn't stop pestering me once he found out about them."

"I'll remember to pack some extra for Shigure next time! I wouldn't want him to feel left out," she said, smiling.

"You're going to spoil him." There was a tinge of humor in his voice though.

"Hatori, what does Ayame like?" she asked.

"Hmm. Soups and vegetables. Healthy foods. Why do you want to know?"

"I wanted to cook him a special dinner once the dress is complete." Tohru grew quiet. It was funny how the Sohmas were unlimited in their generosity to her. She felt like she'd have to make them all a thousand meals before she felt like any debt had been repaid.

Ayame's shop was quite close by. Tohru was impressed right from the start. It was a very sleek looking gray building with glass mechanized doors and a little awning above with a depiction of a winking fairy. Inside it was spacious and warm; completely empty except for the faceless mannequins around the room dressed in everything from little lacy things that made her blush to elaborate dresses from different fashion eras.

"Looks like he emptied out the place for your appointment," Hatori observed, glancing around.

"Oh, he didn't have to do that." Tohru always felt a little embarrassed when being fussed over. She would much rather take care of someone else than be taken care of. She wandered over to one of the many displays and stopped at something that caught her eye. "This is amazing," she said to herself, studying the perfect stitches in the sleeve of a floral tea gown.

"Thank you!" chirped a female voice. Tohru looked up in surprise. A cute woman in glasses and maid attire materialized out of nowhere. "It's my personal favorite from the Classic Beauty Collection." She shook her hand. "I'm Mine Kuramae! You must be Tohru!"

"Yes, it's good to meet you," she said warmly.

"Ayame is waiting for you in the back room to the left." Mine gestured to it. "Dr. Sohma, you're coming with me!"

This seemed to be news to him. He looked mystified once she took hold of his hand and began to drag him away. "I wasn't aware I was getting measured as well," he said.

Mine giggled at his confusion. "But of course! We couldn't forget about you too!"

"I will politely decline."

"Nonsense! Ayame has something especially for you in mind!" She pulled back the green velvet curtain to one of the rooms off to the side and practically shoved him in.

"I'll see you afterwards," Tohru said, although she wasn't sure if he could hear her.

* * *

Hatori stared at his three reflections and they stared back at him. The light was harsh and it made him look pale and tired. A single night's rest did nothing to improve his complexion. Mine had taken his jacket and folded it over a chair.

"This is highly unnecessary."

She smiled, picking up a roll of measuring tape from the pocket of her apron. "Why do you say that?"

"Ayame has my measurements, doesn't he? It wasn't too long ago that I had been measured here for a different suit."

He watched as she wrapped the tape around his neck and then felt her small fingers hold the tape against the length of his shoulders. She made a sighing sound once she got it around his chest, and once more when she measured his waist. "You've gotten thin," she said. "That's why. Good thing we're getting you fitted for a new suit, or else you'd look like a scarecrow in one of your older ones."

"Ayame always goes the extra mile."

"His best trait, I think." She ran the tape down his arm.

"I suppose you two are ready for the banquet?"

"Mm, yes. We finished our outfits weeks ago. It gets very busy around here during the holidays. Ayame has several orders to do but right now, Tohru's dress and your suit are top priorities for him. It's been awhile since I've seen him become so passionate about a project." She moved to loop the tape around the width of his arm and winked at him in the mirror. "You'll like it. It's going to be gorgeous."

"I'll take your word for it."

She finished her work in no time. While she was helping him back into his jacket, she said, "Now Hatori, it's going to be a very special night but Ayame can do only so much. You have to make an effort too."

"What do you mean by that?" He frowned.

"Be relaxed. Funny. Bring her flowers and open the car door. Dance with her. She's a girl and you know what girls like." Mine smoothed out the slight rumples in his jacket.

"Is this how Ayame treats his employees on nights out?" he asked dryly.

"Oh, we're more than that." Mine wrote something on a sheet of paper; his measurements, he guessed. "But that's how anyone should treat his date; even if she's a friend, an employee. Okay, all done! Ayame will have both your suit and Tohru's dress ready within a week. Shall I make an appointment right now for you two?"

* * *

Hatori was outside smoking a cigarette by the time she finished her appointment with Ayame. They had both gotten excited and ended up talking for a long time. He didn't want to show her his sketch of the dress, in spite of her intense curiosity. "A two dimensional rendering simply does not do it any justice!" he told her. "You'll have to wait and be surprised!"

"I'm sorry I kept you waiting," she fretted, once she was in the blustery cold with him. "I didn't realize how long we were talking."

"Mine kept me company for awhile." They walked to the car. He tossed his cigarette in a trash bin along the way. "I made an appointment next Thursday for the fitting."

"A week? That's very soon," she said thoughtfully.

"Ayame is a demon with a needle and thread. In high school, he was in charge of all the costumes for the drama club. He would wait until the last minute but he always managed to finish in time."

Tohru couldn't help but smile. Ayame had chattered endlessly about his high school days with Hatori and Shigure. It seemed like a treasured time for all of them. "And did you help with the sewing?"

"A little. I knew the basics. Shigure, however, was terrible at everything. He couldn't even be trusted to cut the cloth. We mostly used him as a model; even for dresses. He'll probably be embarrassed if you mentioned it, so please do."

She laughed. She heard the same story from Ayame, but coming from Hatori's lips, it was oddly refreshing. She liked these moments when his guard was down. They came unexpectedly and welcomingly, like spring rain.

* * *

**A/N:** It's been awhile! I'm glad to be back and working on the story. As you can see, it's undergone a few changes! I feel much more confident with the new revisions. Also, I wanted to take this time to see if anyone would like to be my beta? I feel like I've let a hundred errors slip through and wading through the beta applications have been a nightmare so if you're interested, just send me a PM! More author notes are at my LiveJournal. Thanks for reading!


	14. Side Effects

**Chapter 14: Side Effects**

* * *

It hadn't hit her how lonely she was until she was back at home. It was a lot quieter than she was used to after only a few days. The radio offered some noise, as well as the chopping sound of the knife against the cutting board and the gurgling of the simmering stew, but it did little to fill the empty ever-present spaces.

It surprised her. She had been alone for years. Her parents died when she was young. She had a grandfather and a few aunts and uncles but they lived far away and rarely kept in touch. There were some friends from high school and not many boyfriends to speak of, but all of that felt like a lifetime ago. Going to school and working and trying to make it on her own… she didn't realize how much that kept her isolated until now.

She leaned against the table, wiping away the strands of hair sticking to her forehead with the back of her hand. Normal girls her age were supposed to have exciting lives; friends to call on, dates to go to. But if anything, she wished her loneliness was eased just a little bit.

It slipped. She didn't know why, but she imagined him in the kitchen with her. Working quietly by the sink, sleeves rolled up and tie slack, just as he was the other night.

Someone to cook with; to cook for.

Her heart gave a strange tug and she sucked in her breath to calm herself down. It was such an odd thought that she busied herself by making the carrot slices perfect to keep from dwelling on it any longer.

* * *

He woke up sometime in the middle of the night.

"Another nightmare?"

He shifted in bed. "I'm too old to have nightmares," he said, his voice rough with sleep.

His eyes adjusted to the dark. She was propped up in bed, peering down at him with a slight smile. "Bad dream, then?"

"The worst."

"Mm. Want to talk about it?"

"You were dead."

There was a thoughtful silence. "Did you see me die? Was it horrible? Were there evil robots or vicious bears?"

He looked at her blankly. "Not funny."

She chuckled. "Okay, I'll be serious. What happened?"

"I don't really remember. I didn't see you die, but you weren't there. I just knew. It felt so real."

Her fingers threaded through his hair in a comforting rhythm, making him feel like a child again. "Well, it's over now."

"I can't help but think…"

"What?"

He sighed, closing his eyes. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

Her hands stilled for a moment. "Hatori, you lived without me before. I'm sure you could do it again."

He didn't know why, but for that fleeting moment, her voice had lost its warmth. She quickly amended it. "I mean, I'm not much of a cook or housekeeper. Maybe I'm just a diversion for you, but I'm sure any other nice girl off the street could be the same," she said teasingly.

A strange feeling prickled the back of his neck. He opened his eyes to see her looking away, an odd smile twisting her lips. "What are you talking about?" he asked.

"I'm only saying, your life won't be over if mine was." She sank into bed, still distant even when she turned her face so that they were staring at each other, noses just inches apart. "If it was up to me, we'd be together forever but you never know. Anything could happen…"

He stroked her cheek with his thumb and let it trail down to her jaw. "Weren't you supposed to be the optimist in our relationship?"

She cracked a small smile. "It looks like you didn't marry the woman you thought you knew."

"I still love her all the same."

There was that look again. Her eyes were studying him, clouded and flat. She leaned forward to kiss him softly. "Go back to sleep, silly. And no bad dreams this time."

* * *

His arm was still stretched over the vacant spot beside him in the morning.

He didn't allow himself to lie in bed and mull over it. He got up and fell into his usual morning routine without missing a beat. At the edge of his consciousness, however, it did seep in randomly, pressingly.

With his memory of her slowly deteriorating, this was startling clear; somehow real and unreal. He couldn't tell if it had been a dream or a flashback. They had hundreds of conversations like that in bed but he couldn't place if that one had really taken place or not. Perhaps it was only a figment of his imagination, trying to assuage him of the strange guilt he had been feeling lately.

Whatever it was, he kept it far at bay; that and ghostly imprint of her lips on his.

* * *

When he greeted her at the door, he saw a large brown shopping bag at her side. It looked heavy the way her arm sagged with its weight.

"Let me carry that for you," he said, once she turned after locking the door.

"Thank you." She carefully transferred it to his hand. "I don't think I could have made it down carrying it."

They slowly went down the wet flight of the stairs. The cord straps cut into his palm. He heard a weighted shifting noise with each slight movement. "What is this, anyway?"

"It's food," she said cheerfully.

He looked down at the bulging bag. "Have you packed for a picnic?"

"It's lunch, one for me and one for you. I also included some of the extra stew I made last night for dinner."

"Tohru, this is… "

She looked up at him. It had begun to snow lightly and large white flakes were getting trapped on her long, dark lashes. "You don't like stew? How silly of me. I should've asked before…"

"I meant to say, this is very kind of you, but you're not obligated to feed me every time we see each other," he said, sounding slightly embarrassed.

"'Obligated'?" She pondered the word. They reached the car but stood still with the snow falling thickly now. "But 'obligated' makes it sound like I don't want to, which isn't true. Are you obligated to drive me to work everyday?"

"Of course not. I don't mind it at all. The drive is boring and you're doing me a favor by keeping me company."

She smiled. "It's the same for me. I love to cook, but I always end up making more than I can eat by myself. You're doing me a favor, if you think about it."

"Am I?" His breath crystallized in the air on that last note. He searched her eyes, as if he was trying to glean some truth from them. After months and months of it, he was beginning to hate the pitied looks and gestures that seemed to follow him wherever he went, but it was absent here. Tohru Honda was nothing but a kind girl with the purest intentions.

* * *

She picked up the phone on the fourth ring, fumbling a bit as she was in the middle of searching for a document in the filing cabinet. "Dr. Hatori Sohma's office, how may I help you?"

"Ah, Tohru. It's Shigure."

"Hello Shigure!" She brightened at hearing his voice. "Hatori isn't in right now. Did you want to leave a message?"

"As it turns out, I wanted to speak to you."

"Oh? Is something the matter?"

"No, nothing like that. I understand you're on your lunch break in about half an hour. How would you like to make a lunch date with me in my office? I wanted to show you something."

"Sure! I would love to have lunch with you," she said, feeling the slightest bit puzzled.

"Perfect. I'll see you later, then." The other line cut off with a click and then static.

* * *

The girl left the office, oblivious to Mayuko's eyes trained on her from the adjacent hallway. 'So this is Tohru.'

She had been expecting someone pretty in flashy way, one of those arrogant youths with too much makeup and styling product in their hair. But this girl looked like a child. Her face was too plain, too sweet. Hatori, she was sure, wasn't interested in women like that.

She felt relief in spite of her initial disappointment. Shigure couldn't be serious when he called her a romantic interest. This Tohru was nothing like Kana, who had been classically beautiful and had a magnetic personality. The comparisons made by everyone in the hospital, now debunked, began to irritate her.

Hatori was leaving the office too. She waved him over.

"Good afternoon," she said, smiling as he neared.

"Good afternoon." It looked anything but. He seemed distracted.

"Are you feeling alright?"

"I'm fine." He shook his head, as if it was a trivial thing, but she knew better.

"Do you want to sit down somewhere and talk? I'll bring the coffee." She gazed at him imploringly, lightly resting her fingertips on his elbow.

He checked his watch. "I'm sorry. I have a meeting in three minutes." He paused briefly, and added, "But tonight after work, if you're free…"

She felt so relieved she let a smile slip through. "Same place, same time?"

* * *

"He looks so young!" Tohru's eyes were wide in astonishment. She flipped another page. "You all do!"

"Well, these pictures are about ten years old," he said with a smile.

They were both sitting on the floor of his office, surrounded by their lunch and several picture albums spread out.

After speaking to Ayame the night before, he went up to his attic to root around for some of the albums he kept; the leather jackets gone dusty from being untouched all this time. He thought after hearing all of those stories, she would like to see some old photographs to better visualize the trio in the younger years.

He acted as a skilled tour guide through the pages upon pages of history dutifully documented throughout the years.

"The fruits of Ayame's first play; I cut the fabric myself... Me, at an awards banquet for a short story I published. Don't I look especially handsome? Student council. Hatori made a very good vice president—he had to or else Ayame would have run the place to the ground… And graduation! It was a nice conclusion to the terribly boring years in school. I only survived because of these two," he said, tapping the picture. He closed the book. "I'll bring more next time. You still have yet to witness such exciting episodes as Hatori's broken arm and the time I wore a superhero costume on the first day of school."

She laughed. "Why did you do that?"

"To be brave, of course."

"How about that one?" she asked, pointing to a slim white book hiding underneath a larger brown one. "I don't think we've gone through it yet."

Shigure's smile faltered. "Oh. How did that get in there?"

Tohru pulled it out and opened it up. She stared at the first page for a good moment before quickly retracting her hand, as if she had been burned. "Wedding pictures," she managed in a quiet voice.

He raked his fingers through his hair and put on an easy air. "Yes. I thought it was best to hold on to it while Hatori recovers, you know? He's tragically sentimental underneath it all." He paused. "You can look through them. They're quite nice pictures."

"I don't know if I could," she murmured, sitting back without quite taking her eyes off of it.

"Well, if you ever want to take a second look at these, I'll keep them in my office. You're welcome to them any time."

* * *

Tohru drummed her fingers on her desk. Every effort in steeling herself for productivity ended up in drifting in a dreamlike state, staring off into window across the room.

She thought about the time when she lost her mother. It had not been too long ago.

It had been a difficult time for her. She found herself crying at the slightest provocation; from hearing someone with the same name mentioned in passing to seeing another woman on the street with her exact shade of fiery red hair. But in time, it passed. The tears, no matter how bitter, slowly eased the pain. She stayed with her grandfather for a month and with his gentle guidance, she moved on and was able to finish high school.

She knew it would be too simplistic of her to try to relate to his pain. He had lost a wife. She couldn't begin to understand what that was like for someone like him. But she could sense that something was wrong by the way he pretended everything was all right. His cool demeanor, pressed clothes, and distant eyes… Only now did she realize it was an illusion cobbled together in grief.

The real Hatori was buried somewhere in there. Responsible and serious still; the one who smiled and made jokes, the one who showed up occasionally in pieces of conversation and recollections.

'If only there was something I could do…' But she knew that it was not her place to interfere. The best she could do right now, Tohru reminded herself firmly, was to help him in her secretarial duties, to be kind to him.

But when she remembered those strange thoughts she had the night before, it only served to make her cheeks hot and her thoughts jumble up.

She didn't notice that someone was standing in the doorway until a polite cough caught her attention.

"Busy working?" asked Uo, grinning. "That explains why we missed you at lunch today."

Tohru straightened up and smiled nervously. Her mother always said that her face was like an open book and she wondered just how much Uo had read. "I'm sorry! Something came up and I…"

The blonde girl shrugged. "No need to explain. I just wanted to ask if you were free tonight. We usually go out to dinner and drinks Fridays after work and if you come along, you can join in on the fun; off-key karaoke, free drinks from creepy strangers, and making sure Motoko goes home in one piece."

There was a stunned pause before Tohru responded, sounding just as incredulous as she felt. "…Really?"

"Well, it's not _everyone's_ definition of fun but…"

"No, I'm just surprised… I-I'd love to. It sounds great," she finished lamely.

Uo smiled. "Then it's settled. When are you finished with work?"

"Six o'clock."

"Perfect, that's when our shifts end tonight."

"Um, I'm not sure if I'm really dressed right for going out, though." She took a second look at her silk blouse and gray blazer and skirt. Much too stuffy for any of the things Uo had mentioned.

"You can borrow whatever you need from us. We keep a few spare things in the lockers downstairs for just the occasion." She winked mischievously. "See you at six. We'll wait for you in the lobby and then bring you to get changed."

Once she left, Tohru returned to her work, feeling industrious at last with the promise of a fulfilling night ahead of her.

* * *

**A/n:** Long overdue. I don't know if anyone still keeps up with this but I hate leaving things undone and will try to complete it. :)

- Chiisana inori


End file.
